Now I would like to discuss the cats. As previously mentioned, I live in a house with three of them. Two are Bermans (snooty and furry; and appropriately enough are named Albert and Victoria) and one is a moggie that I saved from Death Row.

I never wanted to have cats. I am a bird and horse person and have enjoyed the company of those two species for most of my life. I don't mind cats, but I can take them or leave them. That was, until A & V were thrust into my world (and house).

We got the damn things because they weren't allowed in the house that their owners moved to due to the 'allergy' of the person already living in that house. I am highly suspicious of this claim. Often the 'allergy' ploy is used to avoid an unpleasant situation. Actually I think I am just jealous that I didn't think of it first. The main issue that I have with these cats is that they are long haired and hock up massive, wet furballs on a disgustingly regular basis. And they hock them up on MY STUFF. Examples of past horrors include: my clean washing; the bed; my shoes; the carpet; the middle of the dining table; and on the floor where I trod in it while wearing only socks. I believe this problem can be helped by brusing them. Well I sure as hell ain't brushing them, and the other half (whose responsibility they are) is too slack to brush them. And despite my Olympic level bitching about them, they refused to vanish in a puff of smoke.

I decided that if you can't beat them, join them. For my birthday last year, I bought myself a cat. He is a grey tabby who has turned out to be the absolute love of my life. This unexpected turn of events has surprised everyone, most of all me! He is incredibly naughty and enjoys standing on his back legs while meat is being prepared in the kitchen, waving a furry paw at the cutter and meowing in a very unmasculine tone, indicating imminent starvation. He attacks the older furry buggers continuously and minces away, spitting out mouthfuls of fur. He is opinionated, unruly and incredibly lovable all rolled up together.

I think the best thing is that when he is allowed into the bedroom in the morning, he jumps onto the bed and comes towards you across the bed, purring his head off, with a look in his eyes of sheer delight and surprise. 'Hello! You're here again! That's so great! I love you!' I must say that it is a very satisfying way to start the day, with a feeling of being someone's world. Even though that someone is small and can't speak English. And it's not the same when a horse gets on the bed, I find their shoes get stuck in the slats.